Spe Salve

Hope.

When I think about what I probably write about most, what I try to make my focus. Worry is useless. Hope in everything. Hope saves us from ourselves. Its lifts us from moments of melancholy, revealing that joy lies ahead. Hope is faith in good, in better, in God.

Even when I begin writing about sadness, grief, or pain, somehow, I end up writing about hope. It permeates every part of my life. While I was writing a poem the other day, if began with a hopeful melancholy; probably the best phrase to describe my mood that day. I haven’t written a poem in some time, so my skills are waning again (though, I don’t feel like they every really got better), but I figured I’d share what I had anyway. It probably needs more work, but I’ll share anyway.

By heavenly arms, I am held.

There was a time he was real

And when our hearts had weld

Hands’ rough skin I still feel

Now with eternity I deal.

I speak the hurt as a fact

Gone my heart’s jagged half

It is not coming back.

Walking on, stumbling as a calf

My angel guides with a staff.

A life of richness I seek.

Joyful lives need pain.

Open to all, refusing to be weak

No hurt, joy, sorrow in vain

My soul, nothing restrains.

To many, my soul I bare

Hopefully, into life I go

No person, sight met with blank stare

At times elated, others low

My soul escorted by a silent glow.

These Eyes

I know I’ve told y’all before, but writing is one of my forms of catharsis. Its probably the only artistic expression I’m capable of, though I’m working on my photography skills (though my photos will never be worth more than mere sentimental value). Personally, I think its highly important to figure out a variety of activities that bring you peace, relaxation, and balance. For me, running helps. Sometimes I get going, and just don’t really want to stop (yes, its rare), but when I can put on some music that I really enjoy, or music that makes me think, I get into my headspace and just think about life as opposed to just running. I’m sure it really helps some people feel really motivated if everything they listen to on a run is upbeat, but there’s something great about a song that allows you to contimplate the lyrics, the poetry of it, the deeper meaning, and how it might relate to your life all while pounding the pavement and burning some calories (yeah, I think a longer post on running might be in store soon). Yoga is fantastic. I love a flowing class where I can get my heart rate up, tone muscle, improve flexibility and balance all while clearing my mind. Sometimes I can’t help but spend my time in a yoga class just thanking God for the opportunity to do it, for my body, for my life. Cooking is a great outlet. I’m sure it won’t be quite as much fun when I HAVE to do if for my kids or something, but for now, I love entertaining, or just spending some time preparing a meal for myself (sometimes, its easier too, because I know what I’m willing to try, I can almost imagine what a recipe will taste like before I try it, and I’m not worried about impressing anyone but myself!).  Finding ways to get balance and focus and time to think are so beneficial for finding happiness.

But, alas, this post was actually supposed to be about writing. My creative writing skills used to not be so shappy if I do say so myself. However, I feel like all my time spent reading textbooks in college and now spending my time reading Justices Scalia, Ginsberg, Hand, Brennan, Souter…you name ’em, I’ve read ’em. “As long as judges tinker with the Constitution to ‘do what the people want,’ instead of what the document actually commands, politicians who pick and confirm new federal judges will naturally want only those who agree with them politically.” -Justice Scalia. Call me crazy, but somehow this sort of reading doesn’t set my creativity fire aflame. And, the less I am able to read true, beautiful literature (Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Tolstoy, Hawthorne, Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Bronte sisters…oh how I miss you and your eloquence!!!), the less I am able to develop my own creative writing. Everything I’ve written lately seems to be so trite and cliche. Its frustrating to want so badly to come up with unique, deep expression, but be stuck. Hopefully, the more I write, think and read great literature and poetry, the easier it will be for my creative juices to actually run (though, only in moderation, since my law profs won’t appreciate me busting out into iambic pentameter while attempting to reason through the elements of adverse possesion on my finals). Until then, you’re just going to have to bear with my sub-par writing. I promise, I’ll get better soon!

These Eyes

Dark, brown, deep, bold

Expressive above all

These Eyes have cradled the tears of pain

These Eyes have exuded the tear of joy

These Eyes have comforted with the gaze of compassion

These Eyes have bonded with the gaze of understanding

These Eyes will display the lines of a radiant life

These Eyes will share the knowledge of a learned soul

These Eyes will witness agony and despair

These Eyes will observe healing and hope

Dark, brown, deep, bold

Expressive above all

Poems

So if you don’t know this, I love to write poetry. Its my catharsis. Give me a big cup o’ joe and journal (with a dash of angst) and I’ll write a poem. They aren’t all good, or even mediocre, but they do allow me to mold my feelings into something I find beautiful. A few days ago, I was sitting in CrimPro listening to my prof disuss the 4th amendment and what consitutes a search, and something hit me. Boredom is beautiful. It opens our minds to explore true feelings. While sometimes we get sick of it, we forget that boredom gives us time to pray, to think, to really take stock of the goings on in our lives. And when we get too busy, we crave that boredom. As I contemplated this little concept, I realized there are lots of things that we take for granted or have distorted outlooks of and a little poem soon followed. I gave it to my sister that day and, now I’d like to share with you.

Worry is worthless

Fear is feeble

Erring is essential

Planning is pointless

Boredom is beautiful

Silence is serene

Faith is fundamental

Love is life-giving

Forgiveness is fulfilling

Hope is heavenly

God is good

Joy is accepting these statements as truth

and allowing them to shape the way you live.