Careful What You Pray For.
November 22, 2010 § Leave a comment
So I guess I’ve been posting alot lately, but get over it. No one is making you read. : )
A few weeks ago, I was in the midst of finals chaos and met my friend for mass on Sunday night. Afterward, we were talking about how important it was to keep the really important things prominent throughout law school, even though it can be easy to let law school consume you. We’ve both decided to refuse to let that happen. Anyway, she asked me what I did to stay focused and calm during finals. I responded, “Really, I just pray…a lot.” I told her that I have a few novenas that I begin and pray throughout finals. I know I’m far from the smartest person here, but I ask for help from the only one who can really give it.
Later, I was thinking about my finals novenas and realized something peculiar. I never pray to “do well on my finals.” I feel like its petty and my ultimate goal is just to let God take charge and make sure that I get the grades that get me through and get me a job and be able to fulfill whatever I’m called to do (I wouldn’t fight a law school or college law professor job…just throwing that one out there). What I do pray for, and have ever since I began law school, is wisdom and a closer relationship with God. Wisdom is much more important than simple intelligence. Wisdom is like a heightened common sense; the ability to know right from wrong, to give and accept guidance, to be let on God’s plan and made useful. Smarts might get me good grades, but wisdom will make me a better person.
I realized that I think I’ve become wiser, or at least more receptive to wisdom. Its a path, a long and rugged journey, but I’ve been set on a path of wisdom nonetheless. I think I’ve been able to surround myself with people who are able to bestow their wisdom upon me when I’m open and listening. But, its not the way I would have wanted. Any wisdom I’ve gained has come from my life experiences, learning about pain first hand, and being so open with it that people tell me about their lives so I learn from them as well. It is such a special blessing and something I greatly cherish. But, I’d be an fool to say that I wanted to receive the gift through the suffering and pain that I’ve experience on my own and watched consume those around me.
Honestly, though, I do cherish it. I’ve loved learning, growing as a person and learning about others. I pray that I can be a light of hope and joy. I pray that if I’ve received any wisdom, that I’ll be able to share it with others. Had I been careful about what I prayed for, would I have been given the same gift in a different way? I don’t think so. What I’m left with is the supreme gratitude that my prayer for wisdom is being answered ever so slowly, even though it might not have been the path I would have preferred.