Sometimes I Wish I Lived in an Airstream…

July 7, 2010 § 1 Comment

Maybe I am a gypsy. Maybe I’m still searching for balance. The latter is probably closer to the truth.

Life is a search for balance, but sometimes it feels that the only way to develop balance is to swing the pendulum toward one end or the other a few times. For me, I’ve been trying to find the balance in my new life; a life a did not choose, a life a did not want, a life a did not plan. But, this is the life I am left with, nonetheless. It is the life I still have to live. It is the life I must try to find life in.

My pendulum has swung in the direction of exploring, seeing, experiencing, learning, craving exposure to newness, other lives, other cultures. And even in the balance I search for, I think that this is an appropriate extreme. An extreme I need now and one that will guide me to ultimate balance.

My soul is yearning for exploration; on a mission to find solace in the gyspsy wanderings of life. I’m lead to find the gifts of God’s handiwork in the life stories of an Australian bartender in London, the artisan brushtrokes of oranges and reds in a Costa Rican sunset, and the immaculate churches built in the center of Polish towns. As these experiences nestle themselves deep into my being, they make rooms for new ones. I long to see God’s work everywhere that He’ll allow me. I’m filled with peace as I sit with the beauty that I’ve been blessed to witness and as my grief-tattooed heart covers itself with the radiance of God’s work, it yearns to continue.

Each journey, short or long, abroad or just roadtrip across Texas, even the occassion blessed conversation in a regular day, fill me with a deep search for more. A momentary stop-off for a heart still exploring. Perhaps, I’ll never feel like I’ve done enough, seen enough, met enough, or even shared enough of my life with the world. The journey is a reciprocal experience by which we leave apart of ourselves with the places and people we visit and take a part of them with us when we leave. We shape eachother.

So for now, I live in an extreme. An extreme that keeps me searching, each success finds me craving more. But, each stop shows me something else about the human experience and each one shapes me ever so slightly, guiding me to peace, joy, fulfillment, all the while thanking God for helping me find life again in a life I did not want.

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